It’s not always easy to admit that we grew up in broken or dysfunctional homes, but it’s a realization that many of us wake up to as broken and struggling adults. The way we are raised has a drastic and permanent effect on the way we see ourselves and the way we see others.
It’s a vital piece of who we are, and unless we work hard to overcome and understand it fully it can seriously undermine our lives.
Those that come from broken families understand the difficulties and everyday challenges that you face in the past and continue to face in the future. Although unnecessary, toxic environments teach us valuable lessons. As we grow older life reassures us; that as humans we matter and things will get better.
When you come from a broken home, you begin to resent and avoid tension. Personally, for me tension is like a ticking time bomb. When you are forced to grow up and be the strong one in the family, It gives you a deeper understanding of vulnerability. It also gives you an insight on compassion and empathy. We know what it’s like to hurt, so when we come across those hurting, we do our best to be there for them.
There’s also the feeling of never wanting to return home. It’s easier and safer to find comfort in other places, so we try to stall the inevitable of returning home as much as possible. Home becomes more then just a physical place, home is actually the people we surround ourselves with. Society becomes harder to deal with. You are aware of the different traits of a toxic people, toxic environments. Therefore we have the ability to differentiate those who are a threat to our lives and those who are there to truly make it better.
But yet, we still distance ourselves from others because we have already gone through intense chaos at home, and don’t want to relive the pain. At the end of the day, we become our own bullies because it feels like anything we do or have accomplished is not good enough. It always feels like there is something wrong with us, and that feeling becomes persistent over time. We become our biggest self-critics.
When you grow up in a broken home, you can understand the feeling of wanting to be loved. It’s something you will always desire from life because it’s something that you didn’t have growing up. You have a big heart for others, and continuously wish that you can gain the same love in return. But regardless, even if you don’t receive the same love from others, you still go out of your way to give because you understand what it feels like to not feel real love, and you don’t want anyone else to ever have the same feeling.
Like many people, I have bottled up my emotions in hopes not to make the waves any lager. We grow guarding our emotions, simply because of the fear that we have. The fear that our emotions will be used against us later on, which leads us to remain quiet about how we truly feel. It is difficult to express emotions because anytime that we have, it has been deemed “wrong”.
When we look back at our childhood, many of us find ourselves looking into the abyss of a broken upbringing. Childhood trauma, the juvenile exploits of our parents, and even unaddressed mental illness can destroy the baselines we build as children. Unfortunately, this creates negative patterns that undermine our happiness as adults. Accepting the fact that you were raised in a dysfunctional household is a painful, but it’s necessary in order for us to heal. The way we are treated as children, and the experiences we tie into our developmental memory help us to determine how we define our self-worth, our relationship and even the way we make decisions. Overcoming all the traumas and tribulations of our childhood takes perseverance, it takes committing to a journey that is uncomfortable and uncertain.
